Thank you for your interest in the game! Your application has been reviewed, and we would like to request some revisions in the following areas:
We find the personality section disorganized and difficult to follow. The first sentence is somewhat confusing "Thor has an obnoxious sense of justice that both is extremely good for all and also good for some." And it goes immediately to something unrelated. The core aspects of Thor's personality are in there along with a few examples but we find it all blended together rather than outlined and connected in an easy to follow format. It is mentioned that he behaves how he does because he's pure of heart and in the next sentence you immediately contradict that by saying 'he may not act or speak it but he is'. We'd like elaboration on how he doesn't act or speak like one that's pure of heart, and also examples of how he is pure despite his arrogance and hubris.
We are also somewhat puzzled by the length of the section discussing Thor's lovers while little mention is given to his family. The mention of the women in his life seems disconnected with the rest of the application and we would like to see more of how Thor feels about his father, his mother, and all that his younger brother has endured by way of being made a child and what has come after.
If you have any questions or would like any sort of clarification on what we would like to see, please don't hesitate to ask!
REVISIONS REQUEST
Thank you for your interest in the game! Your application has been reviewed, and we would like to request some revisions in the following areas:
We find the personality section disorganized and difficult to follow. The first sentence is somewhat confusing "Thor has an obnoxious sense of justice that both is extremely good for all and also good for some." And it goes immediately to something unrelated. The core aspects of Thor's personality are in there along with a few examples but we find it all blended together rather than outlined and connected in an easy to follow format. It is mentioned that he behaves how he does because he's pure of heart and in the next sentence you immediately contradict that by saying 'he may not act or speak it but he is'. We'd like elaboration on how he doesn't act or speak like one that's pure of heart, and also examples of how he is pure despite his arrogance and hubris.
We are also somewhat puzzled by the length of the section discussing Thor's lovers while little mention is given to his family. The mention of the women in his life seems disconnected with the rest of the application and we would like to see more of how Thor feels about his father, his mother, and all that his younger brother has endured by way of being made a child and what has come after.
If you have any questions or would like any sort of clarification on what we would like to see, please don't hesitate to ask!
Thank you again for your interest.